Meaning and Choices
by FreakyOriginalGirl
Summary: Takes place during ch. 1 of the clone wars series. Padmé tries to knock some senses into Anakin. AP.


**Title: **Meanings and Choices.

**Timeframe:** During chapter 1 of the Clone Wars-series, between the meting in Palpatine's office and the departure from Coruscant, but it's an AU and it probably didn't happen.  
**Characters:** Anakin and Padmé.  
**Genre:** I have no idea, but it's an AU/missing scene one-post thing.  
**Summary:** Padmé tries to knock some sense into Anakin.

**Disclaimer: **Lucas ows Star Wars, and who ever wrote/made the Clone Wars-series, owes that.

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"Do you know what they did?" Anakin Skywalker asked as he stormed into his wife's apartment.

Padmé looked up from the datapad in her hand and couldn't do anything else but stare at her husband. "Hello to you too."

"I'm sorry, hi," He apologized as he kneeled next to her and gave her a kiss before he got back up. "But do you know what they did?"

"No, I don't. Who did what to whom?" Padmé asked and her eyes followed Anakin as he started to pace the few meters between the couch and the window.

"Chancellor Palpatine was just about to give me authority of my own clone army but Obi-Wan and Yoda tried to interrupt and stop him."

Padmé wasn't sure how she should take this so she just asked carefully. "Did they succeed?"

"No, thanks to Palpatine."

Confused she asked. "What did he do?"

"Ignored them." Anakin replied and the shadow of a smile became visible in the corner of his mouth.

"Oh."

"Yes, but I'm still mad. Why does the Order always have to treat me like a child?..." _Yeah, wonder why_, Padmé thought before she got her focus back and listened to what he told her. "...I mean, I have more skill in battle then most does."

She got up and stood next to him by the window. "Anakin, it was never a matter of you skill in battle, Obi-Wan already told you that that."

Anakin gave her a frustrated glance. "Then what is it about? Because right now I don't understand it."

"It's hard to explain." Padmé said before she sighed.

"Try!" Anakin pushed.

"Alright, I'll try," Padmé said before she turned away from the window and moved back into the living area. "Being in a battle is a lot more then just fighting."

"I know that."

"Do you? I mean, do you really know what it's like to lead an army into battle?" Padmé asked as old memories came into her mind, memories she tried to forget but never had been able to.

"Well…no..." Anakin started, but Padmé cut him off.

"I know, otherwise we wouldn't be here having this conversation."

"Well, if you're such an expert, then tell me, what is it like to lead an army into battle?" Anakin continued.

Padmé gave him a dark look before she said. "I'm not an expert, but I do know a little."

"Such as…?" Anakin stated and the sarcasm dripped from the tone in his voice.

Padmé, who wanted this to end as soon as possible, said. "Such as the fact that you are the one that has to make all the decisions and most importantly, stand by those decisions."

Anakin raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah."

"Yes, to decide who lives and who dies might be the hardest thing you will ever have to do."

Anakin gave her a puzzled look. "I still don't get it."

"Anakin, when you're leading an army into battle, that decision is yours, I know that, and I know that Obi-Wan and the council do too." Padmé said and she could see how the anger grew inside him, but she would not back down, not from this.

"Oh come on Padmé, you were fourteen when you lead your people into battle, you don't expect me to believe that it's that hard."

Padmé's eyes widen in a surprised anger. _How dare he talk about my people's suffering in a tone like that?_ "Fine, then don't, why should I care, just don't come to me and complain again." And with that she left the room and her husband behind her.

ooo

It hadn't taken Anakin long to track down his wife as she stood on the balcony. "Padmé, please don't be mad." He pleaded as he carefully moved closer, yet always ready to turn back and run if she would attack.

"Why not?" Padmé asked but she didn't turn to look at him.

Anakin felt ashamed and looked down at the floor. "Because I hate it."

Padmé finally turned around and gave him a look. "And you don't think that I do?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry about before, it's just that this whole thing is so frustrating."

Padmé sighed loudly before saying. "Ani, I know that it is, but it's reality."

"I know, I know, I just don't understand."

Padmé couldn't help but giggle lightly. "Still?"

Anakin rolled his eyes at her but his voice was a lot happier, and he almost smiled as he replied. "Yes and no, I mean, why should it be so hard."

Padmé, who had stopped giggling, walked over to him and put both of her hands on either side of his face. "I don't know, I guess that it's a part of being human, and to actually care for others."

"Yes," Anakin said and nodded slowly, before he pulled her close enough to kiss her.

ooo

Anakin looked down on his wife as they sat on the couch and watched a holomovie, well, neither of them were actually watching it.

Something had been nagging on his mind since their earlier conversation and he had to ask. "Padmé?"

"Yeah?" Padmé answered and she sat up to get a better look at him.

"What was it like for you?"

Padmé knew what he was talking about without much of an effort. "You mean after the blockade?"

Anakin nodded.

"Hard, all the death and destruction, villages had been destroyed, men, women and children, no one got away." Padmé looked down but Anakin lifted her face back to his again and the weak smile he gave her made her feel better as she continued. "I spent months afterwards travelling around Naboo and talking to those who had lost someone."

"They didn't blame you, did they?" Anakin asked.

Padmé shook her head in protest. "No, of course not."

"But…?" Anakin asked when he felt that there was something she wasn't telling him.

"But even if they didn't, I did."

"What?" He asked in horror.

"I was the one responsible for everything that happened."

"Padmé, that is crazy." His face was still full with horror over his wife's confession.

"Is it?"

"Yes, but I understand now. Well, I think so anyway."

"Good, that was the point."

Anakin's face fell as his glanced at the crono on the wall. "I have to leave soon."

"I know."

"I don't want to leave."

"I know."

"Is there something you don't know?"

"Probably." Padmé answered and Anakin chuckled. He was sure that somehow things would work out. Just give it time. Padmé said over their force bond and winked at him.

**The End**

Please let me know what you think.

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